now i realize how good it feels to be able to speak my mind and not bottle everything up.
but now that someone else knows how i feel, i feel even wierder. fake, even. at least when nobody knew, i could still act normal and be less guilty bout it.
im still wondering if it would be good or bad to say everything. as in reallie everything. but i guess everybody wants to have their own little secrets.
somehow, some things just can't be explained.
ahh enough crap. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- okay went back to ny today with the muffs! =) celebrations at cj ended really early. was told that it would end at bout 11+ but it ended at 9+ instead. rarr. was having a horrible gastric/stomachache [whichever it was] for the whole morning heh. yupyup so slacked around for awhile before meeting shuf and kass at the coro bus stop. first person that i saw when i alighted was LIZ. bahaha. and yes she was being [sorry to say] bitchy and bimbotic and everything as usual. but ah wells, that's just her.
took a bus down to ny and waited for yuks and shuen for ages. wanted to climb over the stupid gate coz they locked it. after so long, ny's still as dumb as ever. kass was already 1/4 way up the gate and hanging there looking like an idiot with all the chickens from across the road staring at her when shuen decided that she wasn't going to climb haha. so we had to walk the longgg way around the whole of ny to the main gate in the sweltering heat. darn.
im feeling lazy already haha. walked up to the hall and the concert ended just in time. met a whole horde of ex-nyers and also the tchers. we basically walked around aimlessly coz everywhere we turned there would be pple and tchers we knew la hah. dun even hafta go look for the tchers specially. popped by ms ong's staff room to crap with her for some time. left to go look for a councillor to get our grad mags and guess wad? smth evil happened to it. apparently they din print it for my whole class coz they said we din hand in the money. like wth. so we went back to ms ong's office to complain to her, not that it was much use though. i can't be bothered anyway haha.
yupyup. left for town after that to get tov's prezzie! ate far east chicken rice and walked around. mmhmm. ah blah this is boring shit. even im getting bored typing it. it's a wonder u even read till here. i would have closed the window like 5 mins ago if it was me haha. ended up getting some stuff from body shop in the end. i bought some stuff too yayys. and now im broke with less than a dollar in my wallet heh.
went coffee bean to slack after that. got a brownie and shared it, plus free milk and water haha. ohoh and i saw adrienne there. what's the world coming to man. first liz, then adrienne. hah and shuen din even know her. that's pretty surprising. thought she used to be quite infamous in ny heh. left at bout 4.30 coz we were all dead tired and super sian already.
and now im back home blogging and STILL slacking though promos are only 22 days away. gonna start mugging soon heh. tmr shall be mugging day yay. anybody wanna go out to muggg? =)
xoxo
20050824 ♥
im gonna study for bio test.. tomorrow.
im gonna practise marching season.. when i have time.
im gonna do my eom.. over the weekend.
im gonna start mugging.. sometime next week.
shut up weixin, quit procrastinating.
hah nvm. ignore me, im just stressed.
xoxo
20050821 ♥
cliques? like..siannn.
maybe it's just a conflict of ideologies. or maybe it's just some misunderstanding. i hope. im sure it'll be resolved somehow. pple just need to learn how to trust and be more tolerant towards each other. i always find myself caught in the middle. but maybe it's good in a sense. at least i get to hear both sides of the story.
bahhh i miss the muffins =( gone were the days of the retarded muffins who go spasticating around the sch. i miss chionging outta class through the backdoor to pon chem extra lesson. i miss da-baoing food up to class and eat without the teacher realising. [come on, admit it, we're damn good at that. hah] i miss eating laksa jia taupok. i miss the swings in ny. [though i get injured ever so often] i miss nycb and my retarded juniors. i miss the junkfood that ny popular sells. i miss staying back in sch and copying math hw at the speed of 200numbers/min with a whole lotta other pple. i miss ny library, with all the bean bags and comics.
and anyway, 4/6 survived with tons of cliques, so i dun see why t38 can't. i guess we just hafta be more acceptable of others' behaviours even if we dun agree with them. their actions might not conform to our subconsciously set "rules", but maybe it's just the way different pple are. different? maybe not so. "I know we're different but deep inside us, we're not that different at all." true, isn't it? there's bound to be pple whom u're unsatisfied with in the class, but i feel that we should at least try to work together to get past promos. that's prob the most impt thing for now.
i do have my doubts about certain people, but it wouldn't help matters if i were to say it out. so.just.live.with.it.
xoxo
20050819 ♥
no, no, no, no, no.
it's just NOT right.
this is badd. im stuck in the middle yet again. but somehow, suddenly, floating around aimlessly seems like a better idea. ive got a bad bad feeling bout this. RARRR. what to do?
no i shouldn't get myself involved in this.
what for?
=(
xoxo
20050817 ♥
honestly speaking, i don't like u very much.
i don't know, but i just don't feel comfortable around u. i can't help feeling that there are two sides to u. is what im seeing the real you, or is there more to u that u haven't shown? maybe coz i don't understand u well enough yet, or maybe it's just me being oversensitive.
damn i feel like a hypocrite. acting nice though i feel otherwise. rarr. u reallie can't imagine the amount of vulgarities going through my mind when i get irritated, just that i don't say them out. i don't have the guts to voice my opinions, not wishing to get on anybody's bad side. but that doesn't mean that i don't mind. okay actually im the sort of person who forgives and forgets easily la, so it doesn't affect me much. it's prob just for that moment kinda thing.
sianz. ah nvm. back to mugging.
im thinking too much again.
xoxo
20050815 ♥
sianzz. sch is like. boring.
was actually intending to mug tonite. planned to do chem bonding. PLANNED. but never got down to doing it. came home, ate dinner, went online, watched tv. bleahh. im sucha slacker. and it's 38 days to promos. that's a lil' more than 5 weeks. mmhmm. it's a wonder how im going to complete revising everything by promos, considering that ive got soooo much to catch up on. i still dun reallie understand the 1st 3 mth bio and chem topics, plus APGP. sianinism. i just can't mug at home la. hah and im using my bro's com coz mine's sorta screwed up. my bro haven't fixed it yet and he's away at army so i guess i'll just hafta wait. yupyup. i prefer his com anwyay =) nicer to type. can type super fast on it heh. niceeee. i want his com! rarr. but i'll be satisfied getting mine back alive. hahah.
tons of hw waiting to be completed. tutorials and stuff. actually i dun even know wad work there is. oops heh. just like this morn. onli rmbed that there was gp hw when i saw the timetable. had to rush it in sch in the end haha. did it during pe coz it was free period for us and oso during chem lect. weixin's theory? homework's not meant to be done at home.
i hereby declare myself NOT a mugger.
xoxo
20050814 ♥
damn i hate using the mac. but my com's kinda screwed up so ive no choice. siannx. better than no com though. i shall be contented with what i have =)
okay maybe it's kinda gd. gives myself an excuse to stay away from the com coz im not used to using the mac. at least i wun be tempted to go online every single minute of the day.
hah. pizza hut for dinner yest. was suppose to be back home by 2+ to wait for the others to come for pw. band ended at 2 -.- plus the pple playing for marching season were called back to practise for the ensemble until 3.30 bleahh. i tried to siam at 2 once band ended, but angel called me back when i was on my way out. darnn. had to force my ass up the stairs again back to the bandrm, through that irritating smoky shit. apparently they were spraying that pesticide thing heh. prob trying to kill all of the banders or smth. was so hungree that i was trembling in that unimaginably freezing bandrm. hunger plus cold plus stress from sir. goshh. i almost wanted to die. but yeah, i think it sounded pretty nice.
called cariann once band ended. was intending to cab back home coz it was reallieee late already. guess wad, they were happily eating pie at IMM hah. so i took my time and took bus home instead. met them at jurong east mrt and headed for my house. those 2 siao char bos went crazee and bought 2 HUGE bags of super rings. i swear, they're MAD. oh they bought durians too heh.
spent half the time slacking as usual. made the apple butters and they din taste too bad. just tasted like..apple. the other tasted totally like orange. played cards and watched retarded tv shows and soccer. mmhmm. ordered pizza hut for dinner! yumyum. hawaiian and supreme, plus pepsi, garlic bread and spicy drumlets. simply heavenlyy.
decided to be mad after that and play badminton at like 10pm. heh. played for bout half an hr and walked them out to the mrt station, and back again to continue playing with my neighbours till bout 11.30 =) my arms sorta ache now heh, it's been a long time since i played badminton.
wellwells. it's back to sch again tmr. and i haven't done a single piece of work. nothing surprising. prob hafta rush all the work tmr morn or just heck care. come to think of it, i have no idea what work there is. heh. what's homework? never heard of that b4. anybody knows? enlighten me please.
and i realize that ive broken my promise that i'll study hard. like..oops. haha (:
xoxo
20050810 ♥
hmm let's see wad words can describe today.
lazy. muggerish. funnie. interesting. once in a lifetime. cool. wierd. retarded. crazee. happie. sadded. auntieish. nonsensical.
haha and many many more. just that i can't think of anything else. but yesh, today was totally retarded. hah like waddahell la. but! weixin likes being retarded heh. haha okay maybe today wasn't that retarded. yest was definitely retardedness to the max. esp when terence, brandon and i were doing those spastic magic tricks. bahahaha. laughed until i teared la lol.
i wonder how it'd turn out.
stoopid ahsoh-ish clothes. gah.
hahhahahah. okay im still feeling retarded.
xoxo
♥
"A true friend is one who is concerned about what we are becoming, who sees beyond the present relationship, and who cares deeply about us as a whole person." "Thats what a friend is for, when your lost in darkness and searching for the light, to help you through those lonely nights, when everything around you fails just hold out your hand, and i'll come running, thats what a friend is for."
but who? who would be the one who will guide me through those confusing times? who will keep me company? who will have confidence in me?
who would even bother listening to what i say.
the night scene at esplanade was uber nice. stoned there for almost an hour. i can practically stay there the whole nite and not do anything. just sit there watching the lights and the waves and thinking bout things. sighh..
xoxo
20050808 ♥
hah i feel like a total peeeg!
eating is a blessing man. how can anyone find it troublesome to eat. or even a chore. they're MAD. eating is like heaven la! roxrox. let's see wad we ate today: subway, ruffles bbq chips, calbee hot and spicy chips, green tea, lemon barley, chrysanthemum tea, stingray, satay, oyster omelette, hokkien mee and tons of sugarcane juice. muahahahahah.
too bad i couldn't go into the water. so many a times i wanted to heck and just jump into the sea la heh, esp when i was sitting on the bridge listening and singing songs. hah soccer was fun and tiring. have got tons of cuts on my feet now, not that i care. ohoh! and the cake smashing hahah. super farnie! eh but u still got to enjoy ur chocolate truffle cake =) be glad that we bought 2 for u heh.
was in sch reallie early coz of band. like arnd 6.40. felt rather high, prob coz i slept too much the previous day. but i guess it doesn't help much. by the time we went down to assemble i was half aslp already. spent the next half an hr slping while waiting for assembly to end coz there was this reallieee long speech by dunno who about dunno what. i din even catch a single word of it, okay i think not even half the sch was listening to the speech. like who cares man. heh.
i feel wierd and dizzy. maybe i should go sleep. and this IS wierd. i just realized that i blogged backwards. like..anti-chronological order kinda thing. hah.
xoxo
20050803 ♥
finallyy.
invest's over. no more invest stuff to settle. no more mad band pracs. heh. im just relishing the sweet taste of freedom, so allow me to indulge in my fantasy world. just for this one moment. after that, i'll go back to mugging. go back? hmm ok maybe not, coz ive nv started mugging. so yea, i'll START mugging. i have to start mugging.
im not feeling too gd, and im having mind block again so heh. time to hit the books (:
okay nvm, maybe tmr. it's time to sleep.
ah. the art of procrastination.
xoxo
20050801 ♥
rarr. im gonna get slaughtered by ms lee tmr.
i just lost the charity dance pledge card. grr. im positive i brought it to sch this morn. was looking for steph's cert when i realized that oh shits it was gone from my file. she's gonna like chop me up into pieces and bbq me la. or worst still, dump me into that disgusting decomposing bin outside the class. yuckss.
band ended at 8 today. was so hungry i couldn't play properly and was feeling dizzy even after 4 bars. in fact i couldn't even hold 2 bars worth of notes. bleahh. im just gonna go slp and not do any work. not that it's unusual. heh. or maybe i'll go bridge for a little while first. sounds like a gd idea rarr.
xoxo
♥
reflections-
Look at me, you may think you see who I really am But you'll never know me Everyday its as if I play a part Now I see if I wear a mask I can fool the world but I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me When will my reflection show who I am inside
I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart And what I believe in But somehow I will show the world what's inside my heart And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me Why is my reflection someone I don't know Must I pretend that im someone else for all time When will my reflection show who I am inside
There's a heart that must be free to fly That burns with a need to know the reason why Why must we all conceal what we think How we feel Must there be a secret me i'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that i'm someone else for all time When will my reflection show who I am inside When will my reflection show who I am inside